Farah Mahmood – July 26, 2019
^{Edited by Rabhia Shuja}

Writing this blog made my whole life flash before my eyes for some odd reason. It took me back from my recent struggles with depression and anxiety to the feelings of fear and vulnerability of a little girl who felt unsafe growing up.

To most of us, feeling unsafe goes back to attachment patterns with our caregivers. It stems from insecure attachment with the caregiver. Which means that the child is either distant and avoidant or becomes clingy. He does not trust that the caregiver would be there for them when they need them. This pattern of instability usually continues through life.

But how many of us know that? I didn’t unless I chose clinical psychology as a career path and studied how psychopathologies transfer from generation to generation. During my journey, I was so determined to break the cycle of recursiveness. I knew I did not want to take the pathological gene as an excuse to continue feeling the way that I was.

I remember attending lectures and workshops, leaving the house before sunrise to make it to the placements, going through the painful process of therapy, doing tough assignments, investing time in research thesis and staying awake at night to study for exams.

“Genes and environment will define your happiness, UNLESS you make conscious changes to your mindset and habits. If you do the latter, your happiness will no longer remain under the tyranny of your genes, childhood and environment”.

Finding Positivity:

During my studies and later during my fellowship, I learnt amazing coping skills around the power of positivity and happiness. Shawn Achor shed light on some significant factors that impact our happiness. He emphasizes the importance of optimism as an attitude. Optimism is our ability to see the light at the end of that dark tunnel. In Islam, we have this beautiful concept of ‘tawakkul توکل’ that makes us Muslim resilient and stronger in our darkest moments. Having a sense of gratitude is yet another beautiful practice that makes us optimistic and count our blessings in the face of adversity. 

Anchor further explains the importance of building strong social connections. Which I could confirm based on my knowledge of psychology. Scientists and researchers now claim that the biggest leading factor to cancer can be identified as having toxic relationships.

Our perception of stress also determines happiness. Whether we see problems as catastrophes or as opportunities to grow and learn, it affects our quality of life. If we want to raise happiness we need to have a growth mindset and see problems as opportunities.

Our perception of stress also determines happiness. Whether we see problems as catastrophes or as opportunities to grow and learn, affects our quality of life. If we want to raise happiness we need to have a growth mindset and see problems as opportunities.

Offering support:

Almost everyone I know has struggled at some point or is still fighting their battle with negative thinking patterns and even psychological problems. Since I love to support my friends and family in their struggle, I’d love to share some of it with you all as well. 

Getting inspiration from Shawn Achor, I have decided to experiment with my methods to offer support. The next time someone needs advice I could show them the magic of optimism through my behavior. I could explain to them that: “External world can only predict 10% of your long-term happiness. 90% of your happiness is not predicted by your external world but by the way our brain processes the world. It’s not necessarily the reality that shapes us, but the lens through which your brain views the world shapes your reality. If we change the lens, not only can we change our happiness, we can change every single educational and business outcome at the same time”.

I can help them see the difference between the right and wrong formula of happiness and success. The wrong and societal version of formula states that If you work harder, you’ll be more successful and if you’re more successful then you’ll be happier while positive psychology states that If you become optimistic and happier then you’ll be more successful. There’s also tons of scientific evidence that supports it.

Practicing Happiness:

Research suggests that if one practices to think positively and tries to be happy and optimistic for 21 days in a row, our brain will retain a pattern of scanning the world for not negative but positive things first. So, I practiced following key steps to discover what I could do each day to increase my experience of happiness.

1) Bringing gratitude to mind:

“By writing 3 new things that you are grateful for 21 days in a row, your brain retains a pattern of scanning the world for not negative but positive things first”.

Counting blessings was shamefully hard at first. So, I put it as a goal on my weekly to-do list. Practicing it was hard and made me realize how I trained my brain to complain and whine a lot. After 2, 3 days of practicing it, I felt like the luckiest person alive.

2) Journal:

“Journaling about one positive experience that you’ve had during the 24 hours allows your brain to relive it”. At first it was difficult to recall things that were positive during the day as I never considered them like that before but I practiced it daily. Practicing it made me realize that even on the darkest days, there are positive things happening. Recalling those things literally made me relive the positive moments and my nerves calmed.

3) Meditation:

“It allows your brain to get over the cultural ADHD that we’ve been creating by trying to do multiple tasks at once”. I have done meditation in the past but never on a regular basis. So I practiced meditation daily during the day. My love and praise for meditation is beyond expression. It’s the ultimate answer to every chaos.

Experience:

I have to admit that the seemingly simple exercises were more significant than a lot of work aimed at creating a cognitive shift. During my clinical practice, I read somewhere that our body is smarter than our mind. It means that our body senses the mental state we are in faster. All the above-mentioned exercises to positivity made both my mind and body feel that I was in a happy and safe place. I observed my mood to be more cheerful and my body more relaxed and healthy. I also achieved more goals.

I socialized more and felt even happier. I would like to practice it for 21 days in a row, to create a pattern for my brain to scan the world in a positive manner. Because the 21 days claim is aligned with neuroscience; our habits do generate or degenerate our nerve cells. Looking forward to having a positive and happier self!